Today I'm going to share with all you lovelies about an experience I had that taught me about Pride and Repentance, and it was all because Little Thor (Yes, THAT Thor) just wouldn't....Let It Go...
But now, I am going to do it! I'm going to tell you the story of Little Thor, and how he continues to teach me spiritual principles in the way only a Child could.
One early morning, I was called in to take care of Thor. We have a usual schedule together, so when he sees me it's a joyous squeak and then an instant tentacle wrap around his mother's leg with his mighty thor-ish arms. We played for a bit, him having learnt his lesson with the racing car contraption earlier and now being able to play with it without must of a hassle. I attentively watch him, while also trying to overcome this toy called, "Playstix" that is built for 4-6 year olds...
(I'll have to post that dramatic experience for another time!)
As I walk around the corner, I see that Thor has picked up his blankie and a little red toy car that he absolutely adores. I see his face contorted in a type of frustrated displeasure, so I ask him.
"What's wrong, Thor?"
"Toilet. Toilet now"
"Oh! You need to go? Would you like me to help you?"
I take that as a hint, and stand in the doorway of the bathroom as he goes and does his thang. I keep peaking over my shoulder to ensure that he is okay, and not stuffing his head or an object down the toilet when he supposes I'm not looking, but he just stands there looking at the toilet. I turned around a little more to realise that Thor couldn't help himself, because he wouldn't let go of the things he was holding. As he tried taking off his pants by himself, he got tangled in the blanket, even stepping on it and tripping over, which caused a lot of tears. I asked him again if he wanted help, and back again he said a firm no...so I stood back, and watched as little Thor was crying tears of frustration because he was so determined to hold those items, that he couldn't even help himself. I started laughing (Big mistake!) and he started crying, but won't let me even enter the bathroom because, in doing so, he will have admitted defeat.
Thor tried many ways to accomplish revealing himself while still holding the items, I assure you. He tried putting the blankie around his neck like a scarf, and putting the toy car in his pocket, but as he bent down to pull his pants off, everything toppled off and he banged his head against the wall in an awkward drunk stupor.
Thor tried then to put both the blankie and the toy car in his right, tiny, hand which didn't work too well 'cos while he would hold one, he'd drop the other. This went on for about 5 minutes while I looked on like -
He finally allowed me to enter the room to try and help him, but he was very insistent that I do not make him put down his items.
"But Thor, you need to put them down if you are going to the toilet. You can grab it again after you wash your hands!"
"Don't touch Blankie! Nooo noo no nono!"
"Thooooorrr...if you don't put them down, you can't use the toilet because both your hands are holding something. Just put Car and Blankie down for a second, and they'll wait right here for you"
But it did reveal something to me that I didn't think it would have, when I was in the middle of assisting Thor in a business that is the least pleasant of my career/job.
The way that Thor was, being relentless in his own desire to hold his preferred items and expecting things to work out, is a lot like how many of us are towards Heavenly Father sometimes in repentance. We don't like to admit it, but we are the ones who hold onto things that hold us back. We hold grudges, judgements, and past memories or offences that keeps up back from helping ourselves move forward and progress. Heavenly Father is probably standing there, like I did with Thor, gently and lovingly encouraging us to just let these things go, that they aren't of that much importance and that because of it, we are being held back...but instead, we are like a frustrated child who thinks they see everything perfectly. We fight, we cry, we thrash about, but are unwilling to change our thought of thinking, or of letting things go, that we become our very problem. The things we hold onto can be many things:
- Obsessions that take up more time than our time with Heavenly Father. Sports, Television, sometimes reading, Video Games.
- Our own memories of past transgressions that must us feel unworthy.
- ill feelings towards others, our own personal judgements on them and our comparing to one another.
- Our own apathetic efforts and laziness.
- Pride. It can be pride of not accepting help when we need it, pride that we are 'more righteous' than others,
We hold onto them like a red toy car, hoping that we can move forward and progress, to conquer the parts of ourselves that we don't like and are trying to work on making better, but we just stand there wishing and hoping that things were different, and even praying that Heavenly Father would make things better or to fix them, when it's really just us.
Just like how Little Thor had to finally listen to someone who could help him, and to let go of the things that made it unable for him to reach his goal, we have to listen to Heavenly Father's counsel, and trust in how He helps us personally.
"Every soul confined in a prison of sin, guilt, or perversion has a key to the gate. The key is labeled “repentance.” If you know how to use this key, the adversary cannot hold you." - President Boyd K. Packer, October 2010, Cleaning the Inner Vessel, General Conference