I'm exploding with ideas, so here is another one for you Little Dumplings ;)
It's the Seven Deadly Sins of ----
This time it's about watching movies at home. We all know watching movies is a serious activity, with required laws and rules that must be abided by or the whole thing is ruined, so, here are the Seven Deadly Sins of Movie Watching!
What in the unholy looking walnut is that? A mobile phone? Why? How is that any more interesting than the movie we both agreed to watch?!
There's no greater sin than using your mobile during a time when you should be giving your complete and undivided attention to something that could potentially blow your mind and make you feel all the feels!
But. You're. On. Your. Phone.
You see them texting away, casually flicking their eyes up to the movie, then dropping back down to their phone to scroll through endless Reddit, or the same Facebook newsfeed that they just read 5 minutes prior. When will the madness end?
And by the end of the movie, they have the AUDACITY to turn to you and say that the movie wasn't that great. That they didn't really get it, and the characters seemed a bit flat to them. It wasn't a great movie.
WASN'T GREAT? YOU SAW 3 SECONDS GLIMPSES EVERY 5 MINUTES OF A 2 HOUR MOVIE. OF COURSE IT'S NOT GREAT IN THAT CONTEXT.
'Why did he do that for? Did he mess something up with that girl?'
'Why is she running? Is she going to be killed?'
'Oh my gosh did that person just die?'
'Wait, did they come back to life or did they actually die for real?'
*Cue deadpan stare at them*
There's a reason a movie has a certain timeline and sequence - so the questions that you have will be answered without you ever having to ask them! WOW. IT'S TRULY MAGICAL. IT'S ALMOST AS IF THEY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO ASK BEFORE YOU ASK IT *Gasp*
Don't ask me questions, the person who is sitting right next to you, because I am watching at the exact same rate as you are! I only know the same amount that you do! I don't know why he is running, or why he is doing that, because I'm watching it in real time! I'm figuring it out with you, not ahead of you! So don't act like I'm a prophetess who can foretell the future and what is going to happen and why people do the things that they do. Just hold my hand, and we shall find out together what is happening, like what should happen during movies!
AND DON'T ASK ME IF I SAW THAT. I DID. I SAW IT. AND I KNOW THAT I SAW IT. NO MORE QUESTIONS!
If this is a new movie watched with a friend who hasn't seen it - no talking whatsoever, unless to make a very minor comment about something funny (Like in a Marvel movie, to point out Stan Lee's cameo) or something you think is interesting (That actor/actress is also in this movie we watched together) but otherwise, absolute silence. Be entirely enthralled in the cinematic adventure before you, not with your hilarious commentary. If you don't keep your lips shut, I will shut them for you (And not in a romantic, flirty, 'I'll kiss you to shut you up' way. I mean I'll punch you in the mouth to shut you up)
BUUUUT. If this is a movie you've seen before (Or haven't seen before but know it's bad, like Avatar The Last Airbender or Sharknado, then it's perfectly fine too) with a friend who agrees to have an ad-libbed commentary, then GO FOR IT! It's some of the funniest things you can do with friends when it's accepted and agreed up. If it's not though, you will be exiled from the movie, and make to sit in the corner and think about what you've done in silence.
And possibly made to wear a dunce cap.
I get wanting to eat when you're watching a good movie. It's a natural reflex to reach for food to shove into your mouth while you're transfixed by the screen, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS DELICIOUS AND WELL TIMED, DON'T WAIT UNTIL THE MOVIE IS BEGINNING IN THE MOST QUIET OF SCENES TO GRAB THE CHIP BAG FROM EACH CORNER AND TEAR LIKE YOU'RE CAPTAIN AMERICA WITH A LOG.
I will end you and your family line if you break this rule while watching movies with me. I will bring dishonour on you, on your family, on your family's family. All of it. Misophonia is real, and easily triggerable.
BUT BY EVERYTHING IN MY WILL POWER I WILL DESTROY A MOVIE IF IT'S NOT ACCURATELY REPRESENTING HOW AMAZING AND SPECIAL THE BOOK IS.
But, a sin is a sin, regardless of who does it. When someone points out the unrealistic fact that that person can't do that because it's physically impossible...when it's a movie about zombies...then we've got issues. You're nitpicking reality in a fictitious world, and it's irritating. Let the wizards be wizards, and not nitpicking the fact that you could easily kill a wizard with a simple weapon like a sword.
Just appreciate it for what it is, and that is a movie. Not a documentary.
BUT IT'S SO ANNOYING. OH MY GOSH. Nothing ruins a movie date/night/hangout than one of you falling asleep. It's a let down, it ruins the night, and now you have to watch a movie all by yourself! That's no fun! And you can't wake them up, 'cos that's just cruel to awake someone from their slumber, so now you're a limbo of I don't want to watch this movie without them but I don't want to wake them up either so now I can't do anything but stare angrily at them. You did this to me!
Sure, you get to feel smart for the rest of the night, but I get to feel disappointed with spending 2 hours of my life just to have you be right at the end anyway about something that's probably clear to everyone, not just you. Just enjoy the experience and be pleasantly surprised in your head that you were right, not putting it in your palm and smearing it in my face.
I'm sure there are plenty of other sins,
so let me know what you think your deadly sins of movie watching is! :)